im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
