just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
nutella sex= disaster
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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