True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
