I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
