Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
