can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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