Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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