new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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