you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
