i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i will never coherently bang her
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
