At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
