I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
