Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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