So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
