Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
