Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
