why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
