I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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