God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
