There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
