the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
