Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wear drunk well.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
