Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
