Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
