ya dads aren't the best wingmen
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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