I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
