Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
