Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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