I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
