You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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