i barfeds in our rink
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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