Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
