I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
