I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
