Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
