apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
