a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
