So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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