everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
