Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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