Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
