he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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