Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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