hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
