Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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