I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
