I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
