my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
