the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
