I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
