come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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