So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
